Archive for the 'Bright Eyes' Category

Once upon a time there was an ocean

Of the many, and increasingly sizeable, list of things I miss about NZ is living by the sea. Of being able to dander out the front door and round the marina to westshore and sit on the big concrete blocks above the gravel beach in the dark and think about the quickest way home.

And so armed with the excuse of needing to get a part fitted to Dad’s car (that he’ll not be driving for a few months yet) I’m now back on the north coast. Having dropped off the car and got a wonderful old Saab automatic as a courtesy car.

My first stop was unsurprisingly Portstewart strand. Scene of many a dark and windy walk, either on my own or with mates. I love beaches, not so much for sun and surf but for the time just before it gets dark (indeed I think they actually call it dusk these days, they’ve a word for everything…) when the sun is so low that it starts casting cool shadows on the undersurface of the clouds. When the temperature has just dropped and you can wear a hat and feel fully justified with it on a practical as opposed to fashion grounds.

Even the mini waves of sand cast up by the wind into my eyes do not deter me. Nor the softness of the sand left by the departing tide that stretches your calves with each step.

I like the barrenness and the isolation. It is here I can think straight. I can rejoice in the innumerable joys of simply being alive and begin to reconcile that to all the horrible things that happen to people I love. Mostly by humming old hymns to myself, with the odd Bright Eyes tune thrown in for good measure.

My mind races with all my longing but can’t keep up with what I’ve got…


I was here at the weekend with a mate who asked the intriguingly insightful question ‘what type of a boyfriend do you think you’d make at the age of 26?’

My immediate thought was ‘a pretty shitty one’. My second thought was simply, ‘kind of hard work’. Then I thought that through and thought that the first one probably covered both.

I live in a fantasy world when it comes to relationships where we (there is no we, just an imaginary we) only speak to each other in song lyrics and say nothing but profound meaningful things to each other all the time. This is all bollocks I know but it is what it is.

Managing to get from mere acquaintance and indeed friendship towards what I think love is (don’t get me started…) is a complete mystery to me. I just want to wake up some day in my own marital bliss (ha!), or even just begin where Fight Club ends and not have to deal with all the craziness that gets you there.

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November 2017
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