The call to discipleship – 2

Barth says things like:
one gives up the previous form of his existence
What do I do with that. It is no longer I who live but Christ who lives in me. How do i ever get to live and love well enough for that.
Bottom line – who do I think I am?
I know/believe that I am created/beloved of god. I know that my call is to follow him, to find my identity and meaning and satisfaction in him.
I suspect that in my heart/belief I do not mean that.
I am in deep pursuit of greatness. Not of career or money or anything so obviously (so it seems) facile.
I mean greatness in the sense Steinbeck meant. When he used the word timshel – thou mayest. As Samuel in East of Eden exhorts Adam to the meaning of greatness.
God placed us in the garden and commanded us to live together and order and work our surroundings. I think I get what this looks like, what our greatness should look like.
But this is where the nuance comes in. I think my pursuit of greatness in the sense I so poorly articulate here is really the right thing to do. I get into bother when I neglect the humility and awe that it takes to give up my previous form of existence as Barth put it.
It is not I who live but christ who lives in me.
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